Posts Tagged ‘binding

24
Jan
09

Made of Win and Candy.

I don’t usually like navel-gazing, which is why I’m not on Myspace or Twitter and only on Facebook as necessary, but I feel I should share this story, because it’s fucking hilarious.

(Backstory: the Captain thought I was a transwoman when he first met me / we hooked up– “I’m trans” + “T. Rex is a guy” = Mistaken Captain + Oblivious T. Rex. We were on totally different pages for a week and a half. Once I figured that out, I did not immediately disabuse him of the notion, more for my own amusement than anything else, and then about two weeks in decided it would be a good time to explain about tits and bits. This is known as the ‘Tranny Surprise’. He was somewhat taken aback, but applauded the mindfuck and has since been in on it when I mess with other people. Hooray for partners who have a sense of humor.)

Last weekend we were at a large event, where I was working in the kitchen under the kind tutelage of the Captain. (This bitstrip contains everything you need to know about him, me, my trannybuddy DDog, and the brainwaves in between. Read the rest while you’re at it, and then tell DDog to make MOAR.) The Captain knows a large number of the people who were at this event, and most of those working in the kitchen, but it was the first time I’ve met most of them — the exception being Not-Narrow, who just watched us go and laughed along.

For the entire time, the Captain was a good sport and introduced me as the new-ish boyfriend and did not refer to me as ‘tranny’ within earshot, as is his usual wont. Things is, I’m not on hormones (yet…). So I’m apparently pretty for a guy, and people were confused…

#

(Names are changed, including mine)

Captain: This is my boyfriend, T. Rex.
Buddy 1: Wait… that’s a guy?
Me: Uh… yeah? *pointing at magically flat chest*
Captain: Oh trust me, he’s a guy *winknudge*

#

Buddy 1: Hey, T. Rex.
Me: Eh? *turns around*
Buddy 1: *gropes left not-a-boob*
Me: Buh?
Buddy 1: Damn, I guess you are a guy! A girl would’ve slapped me!
Me: (Hooray, dysphoria! And alcohol!) *blinkblink*

#

Me and the Captain: *kiss*
Buddy 2: Oh, is she your girlfriend?
Captain: He. Boyfriend.
Buddy 2: Oh my G-d, I’m so sorry!!!
Me: Don’t worry, I get that a lot… *wan smile and long-suffering sigh*
Buddy 2: Wait, Captain — when did you turn gay?
Captain: …bi? Best of both worlds!
Me: At the same time. *chuckle, wink*
Captain: I’m just a greedy poly bastard.

#

Buddy 3: Dude, I totally thought that was a girl!
Captain: Nnnope.
Buddy 1: I did too! But then I grabbed his chest last night, and there’s no boobs!
Me: (…and then told everyone, you loudmouth you. My job here is done.)

#

I guess you could say this is lying by misdirection and omission? I dunno. I tend to keep the bits on a need to know basis, and as far as most of these folk will likely ever need to concern themselves with, I’m a very feminine gay guy, which is what I’ve told them, and it’s the truth. I never said ‘I was born biologically male and am possessed of all the usual faculties’, but I know that’s what they assumed (I know cisfolk assume that man=male and I admit to freely taking advantage of that) so I led them to that conclusion. As much as it’s one of my goals to be out and educate people as much as possible, ‘pre-event party’ and ‘stress-hell kitchen’ is not a place I feel comfortable conducting Tranny 101. It works much much better one-on-one. Some of it will be done on Sundays, some of it will be done over Spring Break, some of it will be done in April and May (by which time there will hopefully be T involved…) And, Tranny Surprise is just FUN. Anyway with this particular social group, usefulness is of more importance than identity or preference: I can cook, clean, carry, sew, drive, make lists, and stay organized; I don’t make drama and I follow through on things. Sounds an awful lot like I’m just another decent hardworking human being.

Still bothers me a little that I’m doing something that could be called ‘transperson lying about their past’ and ‘hiding what I really am’ even though, no, really. Telling people, “No, I’m not a girl, I’m really a guy, I have a male name, I take male pronouns, I’m a gay man, I know I look pretty but that’s not my fault” is what I really am, it is honest, it’s the version of truth that will make the most sense to people who will just be confused if I start explaining about the difference between sex and gender and socialization and trans identities, and on and on. The best rationalization I can come up with is, I’m training them to use male pronouns, so when I finally do come out about it, they don’t need to change their habits. I won’t have changed; the only thing that changes is how much they know about me. And even that still bothers me, because I’m not being entirely up front and honest with people and, much as I keep the walls up in public, being honest and open is hugely important to me, and I’m not trying nearly hard enough most of the time… *sigh*. I don’t want to be a stealth tranny. I shouldn’t have to hide these things even from strangers. The Captain is an amazingly staunch supporter and good partner and I ❤ him all the more for it, but our I feel like our codes just don’t mesh on some things (and I’m working on being ok with that). Or maybe I’m just thinking too hard about this whole thing. And the world should be fair and good and nobody should ever feel guilt or fear. Castles in the sky.

Don’t mind Mr. Serious Tranny down here; this post wasn’t supposed to go that far into the rift. Just reread the excerpts above and laugh some more. That’ll go further towards fixing this poor world than any amount of ranting and reeducating.

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